


Star Wars Always Helps

by sonicrainicorn



Series: Berry Done AU [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, M/M, Married Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Self-Doubt, Star Wars References, at least in this one, but minus the kids, theyre nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 17:22:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17605643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicrainicorn/pseuds/sonicrainicorn
Summary: Patton and Logan are ready to move on to the next chapter in their lives: children. But the more Logan thinks about it, the more he realizes that maybe this isn’t for him...Prompt: “If you only believe in [the sun] when you can see it, you’ll never make it through the night.”





	Star Wars Always Helps

**Author's Note:**

> Many of the one-shots in this series will tend to be a little out of order (depends on the ideas I get). Let me know if at any point you end up confused about the timeline

Patton had been researching the adoption process for months. He wanted to be a father for as long as he could remember, and now that he was with Logan, everything felt like it was in the right place.

At first, Logan was on board a hundred percent. What could have been wrong with raising a tiny human? It was always good to influence a future generation, after all. Yet the more Patton came to him with new information, the more he began to really think about that question.

What  _could_  go wrong with raising a child?

Logan wasn’t like Patton. He never thought about being a father -- had never been waiting until the right moment to start a family. In fact, before he met Patton, he always assumed he would end up alone with no one to remember him. It would have been bleak and depressing, but he accepted that as his future. Then he fell into the arms of a stranger and everything changed for the better.

Even after getting married to Patton, Logan didn’t think much about children. It was assumed adoption would happen eventually, but he didn’t look forward to it the same way Patton did. Patton was more than excited when they talked about having kids. His excitement only grew the farther they kept getting along the adoption process.

Which is why Logan couldn’t bring himself to voice his doubts. The question was no longer what could go wrong, but rather, what could  _he_  do wrong?

He was very inexperienced with children and humans in general. How could he ever interact with them? Not to mention young children needed near constant attention. Would Logan be able to provide that at all? Would they always turn to Patton for everything because Logan was useless?

Patton was kind and gentle and understanding and everything Logan wasn’t. Logan was more or less emotionally constipated and sometimes he said things without calculating feelings. But Patton was the opposite. He knew how to express his feelings and made sure to sugarcoat difficult subjects for people who couldn’t stand to hear them. They were two very different people.

It made Logan afraid.

If he didn’t have the kind nature that Patton did, then what would his children think of him? What if it seemed as if he was absent from their lives? What if they grew up to resent him? Oh, God. What if they cut out Logan all together? In the end, what if they chose to forget Logan even existed?

There were too many variables for the countless possibilities of questions. There were too many ways something could go wrong.

But…

There were times where Logan would see Patton’s eyes light up when someone asked if they were going to have kids. There were times where Patton couldn’t help but fantasize about the possible future. There were times where they walked by the children’s clothing or toy section and Patton started bouncing in excitement.

Those were the times Logan wasn’t afraid. Because if Patton believed, then maybe he could too.

“Logan,” Patton started. They were laying in the middle of the living room floor with the lights off, but a light projector shining stars onto the ceiling. “Back when you thought you were straight --” Logan snorted at this -- “did you ever think about having your own kids?”

“Can’t say I ever have. That wasn’t exactly my thing.” He glanced at Patton. “Did you?”

Patton laughed a little. It was soft. “I used to think I’d have a wife and we’d have kids together.” In the dim lighting, it was obvious that he was amused at his past fantasies. “Then I figured out that I liked a little more than just girls so that kinda changed things a bit.”

Logan smiled. “So you really knew that you wanted a family from the beginning, huh?”

Patton looked at him and beamed. “Yeah! It’s like how you always knew you wanted to be a teacher.”

“Being a teacher was something I foolishly believed in, yet only went through with due to sheer stubbornness and a strong desire not to fail anybody. Just like --” Logan cut himself off. Uh oh. Him and his big dumb mouth.

“Just like what?”

 _Crap_. This wasn't something that he could backpedal on. He didn’t have an excuse. “Nothing. That was more of an, uh, internal thought.”

Patton put on one of those looks that tranquilized the child-like innocence of his face. “You’ve never been a good liar, Logan.”

Logan bit his lip. He directed his attention up to the ceiling. There weren’t any real constellations (or real stars, for that matter) but it was still nice to look at. This was the only way they’d be able to see a lot of stars, which is why they liked to do it every once in a while. It was nice to shut out the world for a few hours.

“Did you want to answer me, Logan?”

“Not particularly,” Logan mumbled.

Patton pursed his lips. “I don’t want to force you to tell me something you don’t want to, but I just… I just feel like it’s something that’s been bugging you for a while.” He began fiddling with a thread in the carpet. “I-I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid or, or there’s something actually there, or even if, maybe, I don’t know. M-maybe it’s something to do with me. There’s, maybe, a problem o-or something. I don’t know. You could be annoyed at me or something I do --”

“Patton --” Logan put his hand over Patton’s to calm him down, as well as to stop him from pulling out the carpet -- “take a deep breath.” He felt a little guilty about ruining their relaxing time with a subject like this. “I’m not mad at you or annoyed or anything like that. It isn’t about you.”

“It isn’t?” Patton wrapped one of his fingers around Logan’s.

“Not completely.” Logan sighed. Part of him wanted to stop this conversation but the other part knew it would bother Patton until they dealt with it. The price to pay for love… “I’m not quite sure how to word this.”

“Whenever that happens it’s something important.” Patton started tracing random shapes with his thumb. “You’re one of the most articulate people I know.”

Logan found himself unable to speak for a couple seconds. “That’s a perk, I suppose.” There wasn’t an easy way to say this to Patton. “But…” So many things could go wrong. What if Patton agreed with him? What if Patton became upset? What if Patton decided to leave to have kids with someone else and Logan would be left alone to fade out of existence as he always feared?

“You really don’t have to tell me, Logan, if it’s that hard for you.” Patton propped himself up on his elbows as if he was getting ready to leave. “We can try again --”

Logan quickly intertwined their fingers. “I’m scared.”

The light framed Patton’s surprise just enough for Logan to realize what he had done. “Scared of what?”

 _It’s like a band-aid -- rip it off!_  “I’m not, I’m not the best person in the world for things like this. I’ve never… I haven’t thought about families the same way you have. I’m not good with kids or feelings or anything like that.”

“But you work at a school.” Patton laid back down.

“A high school.” Logan’s correction didn’t have the usual sharpness to it. “The youngest people I talk to are sixteen.”

“Right…”

Logan frowned at the unease that simple word made him feel. “I’m just afraid that I could mess things up. I don’t do human interactions very well -- I just pretend I know what I’m doing to get through the day.” He tightened his grip on Patton’s hand without meaning to. “But then I see how happy you are about starting a family. You’re so excited and hopeful that it’s almost contagious, in a way. I let myself believe with you so that, maybe, it might come true despite my worries.”

“You only think you can do it when I do?” Patton furrowed his brows. “Well that’s not very fair to you, is it?”

“It’s a bit silly, I know.” Logan directed his attention back to the stars. He didn’t want to hear any reprimands or agreements.

“It’s not.” Patton moved so that he would be in Logan’s line of sight. “But it’s also not a good way to go about things. You have to believe it yourself instead of me doing it for you. It’s fine if you’re not a good dad -- not everyone is a perfect parent when they first start out -- it’s a learning process, bumblebee. We’re going to learn how to do this together.”

“But you --”

Patton put a finger to Logan’s lips. “Shh. Let me finish.” He kept his finger there a couple more seconds to be sure. “I may be good with kids, but I’ve never had to raise them before. Being a parent is different than growing up with younger siblings or relatives. And, sure, you’re not the best at feelings but you’re getting better. You decided to open up to me today -- that’s something you would never have done when we first met.

“There’s always a bright side to everything and there’s always hope to believe in. It’s like the sun isn’t it? If you only believe in it when you can see it, then you’ll never make it through the night.”

Logan was going to thank him when he realized something. “Did… did you just quote Star Wars to make me feel better?”

Patton grinned sheepishly. If there was enough light to see there might have even been a blush. “Maybe.”

Logan let out a small smile. He leaned up to give Patton a kiss. “I love you.”

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have three more one-shots already written and two that are in my WIPs. Let me know if there's a prompt or anything you'd like to see in this AU!


End file.
